Liar, liar

Another week of grounding for M.  At this point I wonder if she will ever learn.  She is supposed to be taking anti-depressant and birth control pills every day.  Well, me…being the noisy, in your business kind of mom, will occasionally look in the kids’ room for things that might be troubling.  I don’t completely tear up the room but will observe how messy it is, how many dishes are piled up, pull out a couple of drawers and see if there is something in there that shouldn’t be…look at prescription pills to see if they are being taken properly.  I noticed that M had not started her monthly birth control pack when she should have and that her anti-depressant pills were practically full when she should be over due for a refill.  I asked S if M was taking her pills like she should.  He said as far as he knew she was.  I explained that I didn’t think she was because it had been over 30 days since he picked up her refills.  I had also looked up the withdrawal symptoms for her meds and one symptom was vomiting.  A few weeks ago she tried to call in sick to school and went to urgent care due to unexplained vomiting.  Yeah…the explanation was because she stopped taking her meds!  So S confronted M and asked why she had not asked him to refill her pills that it had been over 30 days.  She told him he was wrong and she had 8 more days of pills left.  He told her to bring him her pills.  When she did most of her bc pills were popped out of the pack and she had about 7 of her a-d pills.  M had attitude and said “see, I told you”.  S asked her how many pills she popped out of the pack before coming upstairs with them.  She told him “none”.  He asked her if she swore on her grandmothers life…then she said “two”.  They got into it and argued back and forth and it ended with her going back downstairs.  This is when S decided to call M’s mom and explain what had happened knowing full well the M would be calling her mom soon to complain how she was being “treated”.  While S was on the phone M came stomping through the living room with the music blaring on her phone and said she was going to a local restaurant to get a job application since S had complained about how M lost her job and hasn’t found a new one yet.  I mentioned to S that we should look through her room for the pills because I knew she wasn’t being truthful.  It didn’t take long to find them…she had dumped them in her trashcan.  We collected all of them and S sent a picture of them to M’s mom.  S confronted M about the found pills when she got back and in typical M fashion she had a meltdown and played the victim.  So now S has to witness M taking her pill every evening *eye roll*.  He is also going to take her in to get the depo shot since she is clearly not responsible enough to keep up on her bc pills and we ABSOLUTELY do not need her getting pregnant!  Sometimes I wish I was single… no one to worry about except me and my boys *sigh*.

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Let’s go back

I can understand how trying to read someone else’s blog could be super confusing at times.  Especially when some details are not mentioned because the blogger may think they minor when they could in fact change how someone reads your post.  So here is a little backstory…I have known M’s mom for years.  I met her through a previous job.  We talked about business things but were not really friends.  I knew she had gone through a divorce but did not know who she was married to.  I saw her a couple of times at the gym and apparently her husband at the time (S) was also there and that is when he first noticed me.  Of course at the time we were both married so he didn’t think anything of it.  It was shortly after he had started messaging me that I realized who his ex-wife was.  Apparently this is why she felt semi-comfortable messaging me even though we have not spoken since she left the facility we both worked at.

It was the first week in April when I had received her first message saying she would probably regret it but really wanted to know how M was doing.  At this time M did not want to talk with her mom and said that her mom was “her worst enemy”.  M and I were for the most part getting along and since I knew this was how she felt about her mom I did not feel it was my place to tell her mom anything.  I responded simply by saying that we are all struggling but doing ok, that if we had any issues help was available to us.  M’s mom was satisfied with this answer and said she only wished the best for us and really missed her daughter.  Sometimes this is hard for me to believe since this is the same woman who mentioned signing her rights away for her daughter.  Needless to say, soon after that M and her mom made amends and starting talking again.

It was about a month later that it was my turn to contact M’s mother.  I was curious what M had been telling her about our household.  Especially since M told me that I was unneeded and should stay out of her business.  M’s mom told me that she was just being told about the same BS that goes on between M and her dad.  I’m not really sure what that meant but didn’t feel like I should ask.  I was told that S should put M as his number one and he was not doing that.  I can definitely say that S has fought for M and done all he can to be in her life…M’s mom cannot say the same.  S does get upset with M often and they don’t get along well because M is very spoiled, rude and ungrateful.  It is VERY difficult to get along with someone who is self absorbed and believes she should get everything handed to her…but we have been trying.

With all that being said M’s mom and I have messaged a few times with her always telling me that she consistently tells M to stop being so defiant, that I am a good mom and M should respect me and do better at follow the rules.  I can say that M is not listening to her advice!

I am thankful though that in a way her messaging me has opened a door for S to communicate with M’s mom.  I think it has been almost a year or more since they spoke.  I believe that had been working towards M’s advantage because she would play them against each other.  Now that the two are communicating they are able to call M out on her bs.  I just want things to get better!

Sunday was Mother’s Day…I hadn’t noticed

Actually, I did notice…and I learned that I should not expect anything.  How I thought Mother’s Day would go:  My bf would get up early and fix breakfast, my boys would give me the gift that they had picked out with my ex, we would all go to lunch with my family then enjoy a relaxing evening at the house the rest of the night.  What actually happened:  My middle son has been going to church with a friend.  That’s great!  However, this meant that I had to get up early to take him to said church.  After dropping him off my youngest son meets me at the door when I get back home.  He gives me a few plants that my ex had taken them to pick out along with a card.  I thank him and love on him a bit before crawling back into bed.  S grumbled “happy mother’s day” and fell back asleep (side note he had went to a NASCARR race the day before and did not get home until 2:30 in the morning).  I sort of scoffed and eventually was able to fall back asleep.  Lunch with my family had been planned for over a week.  Over a week ago I had asked S if he had made plans with his family, he said no and asked if I wanted him to go to lunch with my family.  Of course I did so I had planned on it.  As I was getting ready I had this feeling that he wasn’t going.  I asked if he was going to his grandmother’s house with his family for lunch.  He said he was.  I began to cry even though I knew this would happen.  He asked why I was crying and I had to explain that he had originally told me he was going to lunch with me.  He said it wasn’t like he was going out with his buddies, he was going to visit with his family.  Which I completely understand but it was the fact that he had originally told me he was going to lunch with me and never said he was doing anything different until I was getting ready to leave.  Regardless lunch turned out well.  Afterwards I went to my parents for a bit of a visit then went to the car wash to get in a little me time.  After cleaning my car I get back to the house.  S is doing his laundry and we talk about what had happened.  I cried a lot and he tried to “fix” things but I don’t think he was really getting it.  He goes back to doing his laundry while I continue to lay down in the bed.  A few minutes later I decide to get up and go to the store to get stuff to make dinner because obviously no one else was thinking of making anything.  I tell S I am leaving and he asks to go with me.  So here we are headed into the store, I grab the two items that I needed and we leave.  He tells me he can help me make dinner…I shrug my shoulders and say ok.  We get home and I start making dinner while he goes outside and mows the lawn.  So much for mom getting a break on mother’s day.  Everyone sits at the table, eats, puts their dishes in the dishwasher then they go back to their rooms while I finish cleaning up.  Awesome!!  Not even a thank you.  I am feeling SO very appreciated right now.  At this point I am just ready for the day to be over.

Fast forward to the next day and I am trying to explain to S why I was so upset about the previous day.  The best explanation that I could come up with was that the day was supposed to be about celebrating and showing appreciation for mother’s.  I neither felt celebrated or appreciated.  Once again he turns it around and says how he isn’t a very smart guy and he ruined things for me again and why do I want to be with a guy like him.  I wanted to say that sometimes I wonder that same thing.  Why can’t he just say he was sorry and that he has learned a few things from this and will try to make next years mother’s day better.  Instead I am put in the place to make him feel better about himself.  UGH!!!  Eventually we talked it out and I just decided to stop expecting great things to happen because they usually don’t work out that way.  My oldest did leave flowers and candy for me with a note wishing me a “Happy (late) Mother’s Day”.  So that helped a bit.

Of course I did not hear a word from M.  I knew she wouldn’t say anything to me.  We haven’t really even spoken to each other in over a week.  Plus her mother messaged me Sunday asking if M could stay with them for the month of June.  What?!?!?!!!  Let’s see…S and I had to go through over a year of random drug screens, mental health evaluations, constant state monitoring, counseling and parenting classes to have M live with us.  All of which she and her new husband had refused to do.  Now that the process is over you want to swoop in and have her stay with you for a month.  Sure…why not! *eye roll*  I told her I would mention it to S but also told her how S is still frustrated that she has done nothing in this process for M.  She messages back to forget about it, that it would probably just backfire on her and that I shouldn’t worry about bringing it up.  On one hand I really wish S would allow M to go, but on the other her mother should have to go through the same thing S and I had to to be able to spend time with M.  Ultimately it is not my decision.  S did mention that he did get a text from M’s mom yesterday asking the same thing…he ignored it.  Guess we wait and see what comes of it.

All in all I am glad Mother’s day is over and know to not expect anything next year!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tension Town

The tension in the house just grows and grows.  It is really starting to get me down. I had forgot to mention in my previous post about an incident with M.  Just two days after she had called me unneeded she had text me asking if she could have some of the pizza I had bought for dinner.  She had been out with friends and S had text her before she got home that she was not to have any of it because I had bought it and there was other food in the house that she could eat.  That may sound unfair or rude but at this point I am completely over her.

Continuing on issues with M… she is grounded for two weeks because she came home 40 minutes late from Prom.  So much for a quiet evening last weekend.  S text her “good job” after she was 15 minutes late and her text back said she would be late.  No kidding?!?!?!!!  She calls about 5 minutes later saying her car would not start.  Really???  She has had zero issues with her car not starting before.  He tells her to get her butt home.  Her excuses when she walks in…she needs an oil change, her car is low on fuel but the light hasn’t come on yet and her check engine light is on.  None of which would cause her car not to start.  Then she spouts “I had a great night, thanks for asking!”.  That is pretty obvious since she showed up 40 minutes past curfew and didn’t even attempt to tell us “her car wouldn’t start” BEFORE she was already late.  GRRRRR!!!  Luckily I had already went to bed before she got home but I was still able to hear everything that was said.  BTW her car has had no issues starting since that night.

It’s been over a week since this thing with M started getting bad and it doesn’t seem like it will be getting better any time soon.  I have been trying to do my own thing and allow S to handle all things that have to do with her.  It’s difficult because I instantly get in a bad mood when she walks in the room.  She always has a bitchy look on her face and I simply cannot stand her.  Tuesday morning I had some extra time and decided to start laundry.  When I went downstairs she had a load already running.  I mentioned it to S and he said he would speak with her about it since she has all evening to get her laundry done and should do it then (her room is right next to the washer/dryer).  When I got home from lunch I pulled her clothes out of the wash and put them in her laundry basket.  I figured when she got home from school she could place them in the dryer herself.  Well…when I got home from work I was told that M was allowed to go to a friends house to change the oil in her car (even though she is supposed to be grounded *eye roll*).  I decided that I would throw my clothes in the dryer since she wouldn’t be home for awhile.  When she finally did make it home she threw a fit to S about how rude it was that I didn’t put her clothes in the dryer for her.  That now she had to rewash her clothes because they were starting to smell.  Which is complete BS because they would have been sitting wet in the washer if I hadn’t have pulled them out.  Just because they were sitting in a plastic hamper wasn’t going to make a difference.  After her outburst S and I decided to go out to eat.  She wouldn’t stop texting him that she wanted to go eat with a friend.  He told her no, that she is grounded but he would bring her something back to eat.  She refused telling him she didn’t want anything from him.  Then it turned in to how she was going to move out this summer and then he would be able to have his perfect life.  Good grief!!

Thursday I received a text from her asking me what the Netflix password is since she had been logged out.  I didn’t respond.  Seems like all she is doing is needing things from me.  The past two nights when the family has sat down for dinner (which we have not done in a long time) it has just been awful.  Even S mentioned how bad it is that one single person can bring down the mood of the whole household.  He doesn’t understand either why it is that just because she leaves the room my mood doesn’t instantly get better.

I just pray that things change soon because I am not sure I can handle much more of this.

Breaking Point

I cherish my boys SO much!  You never realize how blessed you are to have such well rounded, good children until are living with a child that is a brat.  I do not like saying that but… she is a BRAT!  I have been trying to get along with S’s daughter by using different techniques.  I have been nice to her, I have given her time to come to me and it is to the point that I feel like I just need to ignore her.  She told me that I should not be in her business and I am “unneeded”.  Mhmmm.  Well…seeing how her mother is not allowed to have visits with her and can only communicate by phone I suppose that is all she needs.  So any mother type things can either be taken care of over the phone with her mom or she can go to her dad.  I am tired of feeling like I’m the only one trying in this relationship.  S has told me to not worry about him or her.  Which is very difficult for me to handle since there is a tension in the house when her and I are even in adjoining rooms.  She does not come to S or I to even ask a question, she will text one of us.  Our house is not that big!  She is 16 and shouldn’t feel a text is acceptable for asking a simple question.  Use your legs and walk into the room I am in, use your big girl words and personally ask me what you need.  UGH!!  I am so over it all.  S told me that he knows I am a sensitive person but I need to be hard with her.  She is not my daughter…I cannot treat her the way he does.  She loves him as her dad, she does not have to have any feelings for me so I don’t see how that would work.  So I am trying to let him handle ALL situations regarding her and I am to pretend she is not there. *sigh*  I am saying right now that I will not live the next 2 years like that.

S and I had a bad evening last night because of her.  He talked with her about her comment to me and “suggested” that she apologize for saying I was unneeded.  She tried calling me but I had just returned to work from lunch so I was not able to answer her call.  Besides the fact that I really just don’t want to talk with her.  She sent me a short text saying she was sorry for what she said and she would try to respect me.  That she didn’t mean to hurt me.  I sent her a lengthy response back about how I did not want a forced apology and about why I do the things that I do.  I told her about how she should always show respect for adults who are trying to do what is best for her.  That she should think twice before she says something hurtful because those words cannot be taken back.  Finally finished it up with telling her that I am not her mom and she does not need me to be her mom; I have my own children and don’t need her to be my child…but that does not mean that she is unwanted and I hope she will eventually want me as a mother figure in her life.  Her response back…”okay”.  SO…after all of this I get home from work and find S in the garage piddling around.  We talk and he makes the same suggestion that maybe they should move out.  We go back and forth until finally I say there is nothing left for me to say and start to walk away.  He gets angry and huffs something.  I turn back around and force him to hug me and start crying.  I asked why he couldn’t just tell me things will be ok and we will work it out.  Why does he always talk about leaving.  He explains that he doesn’t know what else to say and always feels lost because he doesn’t know how to fix this.  At this point I feel for the most part that we have worked things out between he and I.  I tell him I want to lay down for a bit and he decides to watch tv.  The rest of the night he is distant, which is the total opposite of what I need.  I just deal with it.  I go in the living room and he hands me the remote.  I pick out a movie and the boys and I eat the pizza I had ordered.  For some reason S doesn’t want any and makes his own dinner.  He cleans his mess and is sure to tell me what he had done.  Almost like he is trying to prove a point.  What that point is I have no idea.  Movie ends, I go to bed and he stays up.  He falls asleep in the chair and comes to bed much later.  When he gets in bed he does not touch me.  He rolls away from me and I place my hand on his lower back then kiss him on the shoulder.  No response.  What an awesome feeling that was.  Get up early for work, before leaving I kiss him and tell him I love him.  Nothing.  Hours later he text with just a smile emoji.  We eventually talked things out but I don’t know how much longer I can continue this cycle.

My boys, on the other hand, seem to be doing well.  My oldest graduated last August, he is still living with me and is working full time.  He has very little communication with his dad.  He comes and goes as he pleases without much fuss from me.  He has it made!!! lol  My middle son has been struggling as of late.  He is seeing a therapist for depression and some anger issue towards his father.  He was recently placed on an anti-depressant.  We were told it should be short term…no longer than a year.  It was my sons choice to start the medication so fingers crossed they help him.  My youngest son is still happy go lucky.  Gets along well with just about everyone.  He is going to start playing baseball so we will be busy with games soon.

M is going to prom tonight so at lease she will be out of the house.  She will already be gone by the time I get off work.  Hopefully she stays out of trouble so we can have a quiet evening.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously…has it really been this long!

O…M…G!  September 2017 was my last post!!!  So much has changed.  Let’s catch up:

OG ~  No more messages.  It has been over a year since we have “spoken”.  His last message to me said that he “could not talk right now, sorry”.  I asked if it was forever and he said it was only temporary.  It wasn’t…I have not heard from him since.

NG ~ We speak occasionally in the gym and a few random messages from time to time.  He and his “chic” are not together but they are having baby #2 soon.  He has told me several times that he is an idiot for not taking his chance with me while I was still “single”.  Oh well… he is stuck now with 2 babies with his nutty baby mama.

I am still with the same guy (S).  Things have been very up and very down in our relationship.  Most down parts stemming from his 16 yo daughter (M).  She was living with her mom in another state when S moved in.  M and her mom and her mom’s bf moved back to Kansas (where I am).  She and her mom got into a fight, M threatening to cut herself, police were called out and the state stepped in.  Very long story short…M is now living with S and I and my three boys.  S and I had to go through A LOT for her to be able to live with us.  She had been temporarily placed with his sister and her husband until we completed drug tests, parenting classes, psych evaluations and family therapy.  Of course we did as we were told even though he and I were not even involved in the reasoning behind why M was in state custody in the first place.  M has been living with us full-time since January of this year.  She had been doing weekly visits, then overnights and until finally moving in.

So…it has been really rough.  She has been spoiled and very much acts like a huge brat.  I have been trying to be open-minded since things have been difficult for her (even though they have been for S and I too).  She is ungrateful for anything she is given and expects everything to be handed to her.  She argues with S about most everything.  I have tried to help and have been doing the best I can with her.  Mostly I feel like I am either being used, ignored or that I am in her way.  S tells me that I shouldn’t go out of my way for her and to let him handle things.  I cannot stand doing that because he doesn’t handle things the same way I would.  I try to be consistent, discipline appropriately and also kind and fair.  He will discipline for some things but let her get away with other similar things.  It drives me crazy but I am neither his wife nor her mother so what can I do?  It has gotten to the point that he is asking if they should move out to make things easier on me.  He has been living with me for over a year and says if he moves out then we are done.  I don’t want to break up with him but I cannot stand his daughter.  So… I am trying every single day to get past her misbehavior.

I could go on but have other things I need to tend to.  I will update soon on how things are with Ex-H and my boys.  I really have missed posting.  I really find it helps to just get everything out.  I also need to catch up with all of those I had been following too.  Out for now….Bye! lol

Where has the time gone?

Hey All!  It has been SO long since I have had time to write.  Some things have changed and some are the same.  I am still married although paperwork for divorce has been filed since April.  H has the copies of the agreement but has not signed them yet.  He is going to visit with an attorney before doing anything more.  I am tired of this dragging on but I am so tired of fighting all the time.

I have been living in my own place since June.  A little 3 bedroom house just perfect size for me and my 3 boys.  My oldest son is living with me full time because he and H had a big blow out.  He doesn’t want to speak with his dad right now.   I am trying really hard to convince him that he needs to build his relationship back up with his father but he isn’t ready.  It all had to do with H’s then gf.  H pushed our son to meet her and it ended badly when H would not listen to our son.  The first day that R met H’s gf H had her stay the night.  H said he asked the boys if it was ok and of course not wanting to make dad mad they agreed.  The next day R asked when the gf was leaving.  H didn’t want to discuss it and told R to stop.  H’s gf finally left just before noon.  H then decided he needed to talk with R and things did not end well.  I am not sure of all the details just that R said he did not want to stay with H any longer because H totally disregarded his feelings.  It is a difficult situation and it is not easy being in the middle of it.  The hardest part is that H cannot admit that he had any fault in the situation.  If he would just realize that and apologize things would be so much better.

I am currently dating someone.  We have been seeing each other for about 3 months now.  He is a really great guy.  Very sweet and reassures me all the time that I am doing a good job despite all the obstacles that seem to come up.  It is a bit scary though because he tells me that he thinks he wants to marry me someday.  I’m not even divorced yet!  I keep telling him that I am not positive of the future but I know that for now I love spending time with him.

OG ~ we still message ever day during the week.  Each day is the same thing:

Me:  good morning

Him: good morning

M: How are you

H: ok you

M: ok

H: good

M: yeah

H: Have a great night

M: you too

Every. Single. Day.  Why do I continue to do it?  Because he once told me that everyone always gave up on him.  I promised him I would never do that.  It’s a challenge for me now.  It’s dumb but I figure our messages are harmless so I continue to do it.

NG ~ we talk…not often.  If we see each other at the gym or out and about we will ask each other how things are going.  Just mostly small talk.  He is not with “the chic” anymore but he is not looking for another relationship since he is trying to keep things good with her because of the baby.  If I remember right she is due in December.  I would still like to be with him but I can’t give him my heart not knowing what will happen when the baby is born.

So…that is pretty much what has been happening in a very small nutshell.  I wish I had more time to write but it has been hectic lately.  Hopefully I can continue to find time.  I miss it.